Well here we are back in Santa Monica.  It's great to have the gang together again. Ariel had a really good time at her dad's house, and Cid and Scooter seemed to have fared the kennel club pretty well.  We're all very happy to be back together again. Yay!  :-)
And thank you to DeJuan for picking me up at the airport-with luggage delays, Scooter shedding and all (when Scooter gets really excited or scared he starts shedding like crazy- I was covered with hair as he sat on my lap on the way home, and at certain points we couldn't even talk as the Scootie hair became airborne- ei yi yi---so , thank you thank you for the adventure ride home :-)

Even though I have several more things to post about the trip, I woke up at about 2am (so much for slipping right into a regular sleep schedule) (then again, I don't really have one of those ) --anyways, woke up at 2am with a thought.  A few of them actually, and was pulled to come on here and share them. 
I haven't been keeping up to date too much on these things, but, from the beginning of the release of The Secret dvd there has been a lot of negative comments about how it's all just a get rich scheme on the part of the teachers, or how it is too materialistically focused. 
I can see how one could get the impression that it was a slick marketing plan.  The more mainstream spirituality, or positive psychology, becomes, the more it lands in the hands of business men, marketing geniuses, and people who know the ropes. 
The question is, is this 'wrong'? 
If I had a nickel, well, dollar with inflation, for every time over the years I've heard someone say, "we need to get this stuff out to the masses" I'd be doing alright.  Not that I'm not doing alright, but, you know what I'm talking about. This thought of 'getting it to the masses in a big way' has been in the minds and hearts of many of those associated with 'New Thought' teachings and spiritual teachings in general.  As you believe, so shall you see.  That we create our experience of reality.  That we have the power to choose our thought, and in turn choose our experience, and in turn materialize a new experience, takes one out of the role of the victim.  It encourages one to take full responsibility for their  thought, and in turn, empowers one to life a more positive and happy life.
How is this not a good thing for a society obsessed with victimhood, powerlessness, and blame?

Maybe 'the masses' weren't quite ready for a video on dedicating your life to selfless service. In fact, maybe we won't  actually be of the greatest use until we are in fact aware we are a Co-Creator, a divine manifestation of Life Itself, rather than a weak and powerless being, separate from, and secretly fearful of, a vengeful God while trying to help others. 
 
Maybe there are stages to spiritual growth and awareness, and coming out of the role of playing the victim is exactly what is needed on the planet right now to get things moving in the right direction.  In fact, it interests me as to what exactly is so threatening about the secret to the supposed 'more evolved' that are having a problem with it.  It is true that it has a strong western element and  that there is a material focus,  that is fairly obvious, and if one is beyond that level, then they are beyond that level.  It seems there would be compassion and understanding for those that aren't  at that level rather than judgment if they are truly beyond that level, and maybe even a remembering that at one time they themselves might have been more motivated by "what's in it for me" when they didn't know that that thought only limits the joy and the love and the freedom available.  And, I'm not saying the teachers themselves are at any certain level or not, they are all unique and different in their approach and understanding, they are just teaching metaphysics 101- as you believe, so shall you see. It is common knowledge in most spiritual communities I have been through and practiced at various degrees by all of us in the different levels of our lives as we continue to evolve and grow.  In my humble opinion I think a few are a little put off that they didn't think of the idea themselves.  Or, that they have ideas that may be 'better' that they have not had the courage to act on. Or, that there are some issues around money that have not been resolved and are convienently being projected onto others. 

In my times of being behind the scenes with some of these teachers I have never heard them talk about money or how much money they are making. If anything I have seen an imbalance in the time and attention and service that they put out and what they have received in material compensation.  And, I can't say this for all of the teachers on the secret, as I am only talking about personal experience with a few, but honestly the subject of money doesn't really come up, any more than basic practicality, and I have been in places where it would be appropriate for it to come up much more.  The talk I hear is centered around world issues, new and innovative exciting ideas that are solving problems and creating more peace and love and joy and spiritual awareness on the planet.  I hear and see how many lives are being positively affected and radically changed forever as people wake up to the power and potential within.  I see these people working eight, ten, twelve, fourteen hours a day at times doing what they do, not for money, but for the love, for the adventure, for the discovery, for the healing, for the awakening, basically, for God.  And not because they should, or because they want to be popular or liked, but because they can't not do it.  Because they are inspired to do so.

I can just imagine now, many of the people sitting around talking about how it's all just a scam, I wonder how they would feel if they put in twenty years of their life in a certain field, had spent hundreds or thousands of hours volunteering, endured loss and incredible sacrifice but kept going in spite of it all because they had a vision, that they were enthusiastic and inspired to share what they had seen, the information and insight that had come to them, and then, the opportunity comes to participate in something that will make the difference they have been wanting to make, to get their message out, possibly to a much wider audience, and they are made out to be crooks for selling it.  Even though it is a great idea and people are being helped by it in great numbers, they should just do it out of the kindness of their hearts.  Even though in any other field it is a given that if you have a great idea or product and if that idea or product fills a need you are financially compensated for it, in the spiritual world you should do everything for free.  I wonder how these same people would feel if they walked into work and their boss told them they would be working for free for the next month.  Just because they are good spiritual people and good spiritual people shouldn't take money for their services. 

Don't get me wrong, I do understand the difference between coming in with an idea from the mind, from a place of strictly sales, marketing, manipulation, and that greed and attachment to material things can come into play here.  And that there is a difference in surrendering and being in the flow with Abundance and simply allowing What Is to manifest in Grace, but I can't help but think this is all coming to light so that we can get some clarity around some things and maybe see that God has no issue with money.  Abundance is a spiritual qualiity.  And, you tend to get what you pay for.  Just as you tend to receive at the level that you put out--energetically.  Vibrationally.  There is a big difference between spending a night at the Ritz and spending the night at Motel 6.  You pay for that difference. 
It could be said, in the teachings of the Secret, you pay by your attention and the time you take to do your inner work.  This will change your experience to more of a Ritz kind of life that doesn't really have much to do with money but with the qualities of the heart that you desire on a soul level to experience.  Spend a night at the Ritz then a night at Motel 6 and tell me which has the higher vibration. And, I will also say that a monastary in India where I stayed the night had some of the most bare boned conditions imaginable, but the energy was so pure I didn't even notice.  So there is that level as well, but, I think you can understand what we're talking about in terms of things being of a higher level of excellence and beauty and care and attention.  Simplicity can fit into that catagory as well.  So can humble.  We can choose humility and service, but, I think we have reached a point in our evolution where we don't have to choose between humility and service, and abundance and elegance. 

Some people wouldn't think twice about spending several hundred dollars for a weekend in Vegas but get triggered by spiritually based weekend seminars being offered for less than what they would lose on the table.  A weekend that could possibly change their lives in a positive way forever and put them in a deeper conversation with their soul and with the mysteries of the universe.
We pay a lot to distract ourselves. 
We are used to paying a lot to distract ourselves.  Why do we expect something that has far far greater value to the soul,  much greater meaning to our lives in the long run, to be given to us for free or for next to nothing?    What does this say about our level of spiritual maturity and our values?  Maybe we are being asked to examine the areas within us that are in separation; i.e. money and god.  We can't buy consciousness but we can put ourselves in spaces where we are inspired and educated on new levels and it costs money to organize it all and get everyone together and to compensate the speakers for their time and value. This is a great opportunity to look at any beliefs we have taken on from others about money and about people with money and about spiritual people with money.  These are new times and many of us still seem to be operating in an old paradigm that spiritual people should have no money and that spiritual things should be free.   We might even be holding onto vows of poverty possibly taken in other lifetimes when that was appropriate.  We can choose to keep them if we want, but if it is a true choice we will have no complaints when others choose differently.  Nothing in us can be triggered by another's choice unless we have an unresolved issue with it.
There really is no crime in having money unless you make it one.  It's what you do with it, and, if you are putting it before God.  Many of you who know me, know how much I love the projection aspect of things, and how I find that many of the people who talk about the Secret people just trying to make money, are ones who have making money as a central or core theme in their lives.  Money is the thing that they base most of their decisions on.  They talk about their lack of it.  Plan their lives around how much they have or don't have.  Go to a job that does not feed their soul just so they can 'make money'.  It has become their God.   This in not my experience of the spiritual and positive psychology teachers I have been around.  Their God is God and they base thier actions on spiritual guidance and inspiration, not "if they can afford it".  Not money. They are not here to make a living,  they are here to influence the world in a positive way.
Instead of  gossiping about what others are doing, these people could be using that time adn energy and focus to do the inner work, to meditate, to actually go to one of those weekend workshops to see for themselves, firsthand, with an open mind.
 
How this all ties into my current circumstance is that I have heard for the last few years that I really need to get my stuff out there on a larger scale.  I've been resisting getting involved in the marketing (eeewww) aspect of things.  But again, upon returning, I had a message on my phone from someone saying that they had read my book and how it NEEDS to be published by a major publisher and how perfect and extremely helpful it was for them right now.  I'm really starting to get it, especially after getting a few pointers during the trip that that it is an area to focus on at this time.  And, how perfect that the book will be coming out soon as well with a new cover and all that.  Everything is in flow.  And everything is accomplished in the infinite grace of the universe which is now asking for something to come through in another direction.  Something unfamiliar and a little uncomfortable and challenging. 
So what's new?  :-)     I find that as long as I'm not compromising the message, changing things in order to appeal to someone or something else, or trying to sell something, I guess I would say, as long as the inteniton remains pure, I really dont' have a problem in spreading the word and getting the songs and the stories and the word out there.  In fact, this could actually be kind of fun.  Another adventure.

In the end, our life will not be measured by how accurate our judgments of others were, but by the action we took on behalf of our soul, in the inspirational energy of love, joy, and freedom! 
I've heard that small minds talk about other people, mediocre minds talk about things, and great minds talk about ideas. 
Where is your mind, and the minds of others around you?  What great ideas can you talk about today ,and how can they change the world?  What Truth can you stumble upon in the stillness of your heart?  What conversation can you choose not to participate in?  What Secret can you share, without looking to profit, but being willing to receive the Abundance of the Universe as it pours through you in all ways?
Peace

When we begin to take the high road so to speak and embark consciously on a spiritual path there are many roadblocks that we come to on our journey. 
The phrase 'counter intuitive' has been coming up here and there and I started to reflect on it's meaning. 
It seems to imply something we're doing that doesn't feel natural to our intuitive self, hence, 'counter' intuitive, but looking deeper it is more about something that doesn't feel natural to  our habitual self, or to a logical and rational, fixed state of mind-- to the ego, not to the deeper intuition.
Spiritual growth, from the fixed stated of awareness, is all about change.  About sacrificing the lesser, or old, patterns of habitual ways of coping with our percieved weakness and limitations, and opening to the insight as to Who We Really Are as Spiritual Beings.  It's about learning how to be in the flow of the life and let go of the need to control it.  The need to control it comes from the false perception that there are bad things out there that will get us if we don't.  If we begin to stop and listen to that still small voice and catch insights into our deeper Self, our essential Self, we will begin to see things from a different perspective. Once we stop resisting and running from the underlying feeling of fear, from the old wounds, from the pains of the past that we haven't dealth with, and meet with it fact to face, and dive into it fearlessly and fully, we find on the other side the whole thing was a ruse.  An illusion.  We find that truly there is no world of duality, of good and bad, but we encounter a greater reality  where only Love is Real.  Where everything else is just a false perception and a way for the ego to stay in the driver's seat by rationalizing it's behaviors and actions of withholding and judging and blaming.

This view and understanding of life is definitely 'counter intuitive' to the way we have been taught to see it and live it!!  Living in a surrendered and trusting space is exactly the oppositte of what we have been told to do by our school systems, our parents, and the "experts" in order to be successful in life.  We need to be on top of things to get things done.  We need to make sure what needs to happen happens.  But needs to happen according to 'who'?  The 'normal' way of doing things in this world will never lead you to your greater destiny, to the awareness of Who You Are as a Spiritual Being, and subsequently your Soul Purpose, and to a society that is living in harmony and abundance.  The normal way of doing things, no matter how good you become at doing,  will simply allow you to cope with things better as you navigate through an illusion, insisting it is real, and continally reacting to this world of illusion, and doing what the ego tells you you need to do in order to be successful in this fantasy world it has created.  Don't get me wrong, you're not alone in this fantasy world.  Millions upon millions are participating in the illusion.  What does it really mean though, to 'come out from among them'?

The invitation, in a sense, is to live counter-intuitively.  It is to take the time to go within, to listen to the intuition, to the still small voice, and act on it's behalf while allowing all of the resistance from the ego to pass through and transmute into higher vibrational habits and tendencies. We break old vows of limitation and agreements made in lower states of awareness and understanding, no longer willing to go along with the program if the program doesn't meet us at the level of Spirit, where the ego thinks it wants to be, and in Truth where We Already Are.  In a state of enlightenment one would not need to live counter intuitively, as when duality is transcended, there is nothing to counter the True Self. 

When I first went into a prison with a group to share a song or two it was the first time I had even played one of my songs on guitar, but the support and love I felt was palpable and it was clear to me there were some beings in the room that were doing some major inner work and were in a state of peace and clarity.  When I go in now I know that I am safer in that room than just about anywhere else as the love these brothers have for me is truly something to behold.  This is definitely counter intuitive to the limited state of belief that would logically say 'prisons and men in prison are dangerous'.  If I let this belief that the majority of the population holds be my belief there is no way I could be doing what I feel is part of my life's work, and be witnessing the miracles, the love, the creative and spiritual genius and be part of this deeply committed and spiritually focused group of divine beings.

Sometimes on our path we are met with actual physical resistance of things just not seeming to work out and we may think, well, that's just obviously not meant to be.  And, if it is not meant to be, it is not. 
And, it could also be true that there are many things that are so called meant to be, but never will be because we give up and give in too easy.  What if it is not meant to be because we have a deep irrational belief about life such as 'life is hard' 'life is a struggle' 'things don't come easy' or things such as 'i don't deserve this' or 'i don't have what it takes to make this work', etc etc.  As these beliefs that are stored in the subconscious and are reflected back to us we say things like, well, that's just the way it is.  That's just life. 
But that's not Life. 
Life is total and complete givingness, total and uncondtional Love not based on any action or non action.  It is Beauty and Joy and Peace in it's absolute fullness, a vibration that many of us have to grow into as we continue to let go of all of the lies and habitual ways of feeling and being that we have picked up from the world and others who continue to live in that state of limitation.  Total Abundance is here right now.  Total Freedom is here right now.  Total and complete Grace is here right now.  Everything is here right now.  The question is, will you be able to continue to go within, listen to that still small voice of the intuition and live counter intuitively until You are Here as well?

 

Well, we've got our jobs, our nine to five's
But why does it look like, we're just doing time
Live for the weekend, live to get high
Live for the future, live to get by
Are we free, Are we free, Are we free, What does it mean, To be free?
-from the song  Are we Free?,  by Jaia

Just as there are many levels of freedom, there are many levels of discipline.
While we may start out with the intention to 'grow up' and be more disciplined and well organized, after a time we may begin to ask the question, according to whom?
Or what.
We may begin by learning self-control and the importance of keeping our word to ourselves and others.  This gives us a sense of mastery as we learn we can trust ourselves to do what needs to be done according to who we think we are and what we think we are supposed to be doing.  This ability to self-control gives us a palpable feeling of freedom from the lower desires, habits, and addictions that had formerly run our lives.

There may come a day though, where a deeper level of freedom is felt and we begin to get a sense that there is an entirely new possibility we hadn't been aware of before.  A new level of freedom that exists outside of our current paradigms of thought and understanding.
And, as we move to a new level in anything, we find it doesn't involve doing more of what we have been doing, it involves the impossible task of letting go of what we know and learning to do things an entireley new way. 
This is not something that is done once, but that is done many times as we continue to grow and evolve and unfold into our spiritual destiny of awakened beings.

Any time we think we have found the answer in the world, the answer to our problems through a system of thought, no matter how great the philosophy is, our growth will be put on hold and begin to stagnate if we fall under the illusion that it is the system of thought that has freed us.  As eternal beings of infinite possibility any system of thought is too confining for us.  There are systems which can help us connect with the Authentic Self  at certain times in our lives but we have to discern when we are no longer connecting with the Self, when these systems no longer keeps us awake, but have merely ushered us into a new fantasy, a new system of thought to live under, a new in-club to belong to, a new illusion to wake up from.  Former freedoms can become current prison cells if we don't let go of them when the time comes.  There is a comfort in conformity to groups who have found the answer.  There is a sense of beloning, but if the belonging is based on anything other than an intention for each individual belonging to the Self it is no different than any religion that dictates our way is the way, and if you're not one of us, you're just not in the loop, which, if you think about it, is another way of saying, our illusion is better than your illusion.

In an excercise many years ago I was asked what qualities I came in to this world to master.   Even though every spiritual quality is a reflection of and extention of all others, and will lead to all others, the two that came in very strongly were Freedom and Trust.
Given past circumstances of addictions to drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and food, as well as living pretty much as a prisoner in an abusive and controlling relationship for eleven years, I have asked myself many times over, What is Freedom?  What is it really?  Beyond the superficial and obvious.  What is Freedom?
In the beginning freedom is all about doing whatever you feel like.  That is the teenage rendition and if we look around at our western society, one might say we are in our teenage years.  Obsession with material things, obsession and juvinille view of sex, obsession with belonging and fitting in, obsession with appearance, obsession with trying to be unique and special, etc. 
After a time we see that freedom is not about doing whatever we feel like.  We may begin to see that freedom comes from discipline.  In the discipline and promises to ourselves to act in certain ways we experience the level of freedom that brings.  But then....
there is another level of freedom beyond that.
It is the freedom to listen to the call of our hearts.  The freedom to live outside of any thought or judgment or rule or limitation.  It is the freedom to choose Love over fear in any circumstance.  While it is true that we only have the freedom to choose when we are aware we have a choice, freedom is then about being awake to the choices we really do have and no longer willing to play the 'poor me' I'm not free to choose game.  I have to do this.  I have no choice.  I'm not free.  This is a game the ego will play with you to keep you a prisoner.  At any moment you have the choice to tune into your Highest Truth and act on It's behalf.
After a time, you will discover that if you do not honor the call of your heart, it will not honor you.  You will have to justify and explain why things are the way they are, make up stories about how life is hard, and in reality being course corrected by the One who sent you to fulfil a divine mission.  When you act on the Souls behalf you act on behalf of the collective One Heart.  When you act on a manmade system of thought, you are not free to truly choose, but can only choose from the limitation of that system of thought that you have taken on as Truth.  Truth has no set rules.  Truth does not exist in time and is not bound by convention, it exists only in the Now, only in the individual Heart space and can only be heard by the individual by their own heart.
True discipline is not about doing what you have said you would do, or what you have promised youself you would do, in order to achieve an outcome the ego feels it needs in order to get what it thinks it needs to be happy
no
True discipline is being a disciple of the Soul.  It is cultivating the ability to tune in a listen to the subtle energies of the body, of the heart, and to discern when things are off and to have the courage to make changes accordingly.  It is a discipline of the highest order.

In a recent healing session I was asked to open to the vision of 'home' and something came in that was so beautiful, so healing, so joyful, so abundant it was almost overwhelming and beyond anything I had before imagined possible.  I was asked to tune in and feel anything inside that was blocking that vision from manifesting and something that suprised me was a belief that everyone on the planet had to have their happiness and their vision, then it was okay to have mine.  It's truly shocking the things we hold in our subconscious and block our divine expression and hearts desire from manifesting!  I was then asked, Can you truly give what you yourself don't have?    If you are not at that level of manifestation how can you help others get there, and, why should others then have it and not you?  Wow.  Food for thought and healing balm for the soul.  It also brings to mind Krishnamurti said; that teaching by example isn't the best way to teach, it is the only way.
If we are not free we cannot lead others to freedom, only to our idea of freedom.  If we are not at home we cannot provide a home to others.  If we are not "in love" with ourselves, with life, with love itself even, how can we truly love another?

so, in the end freedom is not doing whatever you feel like, but it is doing whatever You feel like, what the God Self within is directing you to do, 
leading to a state of pure energetic cosmic flow
 a state of unity consciousness
a joy unimaginable to the human mind
and a soul that is illuminating and reflecting the Light We Are
and lighting the way for others who desire true freedom

I am a disciple of my Soul's Purpose
I am a disciple of the Soul of the World
I am a disciple of Love

And so it is

As mother's day nears it feels appropriate to share about my friend Andy in London. 
That one doesn't initially connect the dots, but read on, it will.

I met Andy at a week long singing/songwriting retreat in Tofino on Vancouver Island in Canada back in 2002.  I felt an immediate connection with him that grew stronger over the week.  There was a very interesting dynamic in that I felt very safe and peaceful around him, and, at the same time it got to a point that we couldn't even sit next to eachother during the circle meetings as we would invariably break out into uncotrollable laughter.  The kind where you totally lose control, and tears come, and your stomach is hurting, all that.  And it happened again and again.
So, on the last night of the retreat Andy wanted to give me a CD of music he really liked and I went to his room with him to get it.  As he was giving me the CD I told him something like, 'I know you.  I know that I know you.'
And he said, well then, let's see.  He put the CD down took my hands and we closed our eyes.  An image came to me immediately of a native american girl, one just becoming a woman, in a forest, squatting down and gathering some kind of food and putting it in a basket.  This is not the first time I had seen this scene and I knew what was coming next....

Years before, probably about ten years before this, I had rented a video on past live regressions out of a skeptical kind of curiosity.  It was a hypnosis type tape and as we went deeper, deeper, deeper I felt myself going into another space.  I was not prepared for what happened.  I began hearing jungle sounds, felt myself in a very green and lush setting, could smell the green, and feel the cool air around me.  I also had a sense of belonging that I had never really felt that strongly in this life.  I knew there were many, many people who loved me and cared about me and that I shared a deep bond with.  As I was basking in this sense of beauty and belonging I suddenly started to feel a sense of anxiety and of something being wrong, and before I knew it I was being forcefully taken by a white man on a horse.  I was terrified beyond words and in a moment, had jumped up out of the chair, ejected the tape, put it in its container and set it by the door.  I returned the video without ever addressing what happened.  In hindsight I can see that to really accept what had happened, I would have had to change my entire paradigm of life, which at that time was much smaller.  I just wasn't quite ready yet.

So, as Andy held my hands and as this vision came in, a very big 'oh my lord' sense came with it and when we exchanged what we saw we were more than suprised to see that we both had gotten the same sort of pictures.  Native american.  Mother and daughter.  Tragedy.  Being taken away.  And, I knew that I was the daughter.  Which left Andy as the mother.  There was something funny in that and I think that's when the laughter started again and came this time so furiously that it left Andy on his knees, holding on to the bathroom doorknob.  As I looked at Andy, laughing hysterically, I suddenly saw a Native American woman, hunched over, sobbing in grief, and my laughter turned to tears of intense grief and anguish.  There was so much grief that had been buried and it suddenly made sense that the joy of the reunion had brought up a tremendous amount of anxiety as well as grief, which was being released through the laughter. 
We ended up staying up and walking around most of the night.  Andy shared a Native American chant as we sang to the beautiful moon that night.  He also shared that he had a plate displayed on his nightstand of a young Native American girl.  At one point the idea for a t-shirt came; "I went to a singing workshop and all I got was my five hundred year old mother".  Don't think that didn't spark more of that riotous laughter, but it might be one of those 'had to be there' kind of things.
For a few years we didn't stay in close touch, but checked in every once in a while and it is suprising to both of us what has manifested recently in the way of public sharing of poetry and song.  Andy is a bard of the sacred word of the heart.  The acronyms and poems that came through him took me back to a place of deep soul remembering.  www.truthmeetstruth.com  As well as being a poet, and very successful seller of ships as a side note, he is a source of inspiration and selfless service, generous beyond measure, and a source of humility and kindness.
I call him mum when I can get away with it (in my cell phone that way :-).
Just this morning he sent an email with this poem below from Native American wisdom as a closing.  It is such an honor to be a true friend to others and to have that level of friendship reflected back.  It came in a song:  The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is to love, and be loved in return.
Yes. 
Thank you Mum!!!




       Oh, The Comfort,
   The Inexpressible Comfort
       Of Feeling Safe
        With A Person

        Having Neither
      To Weigh Thoughts
      Nor Measure Words,
   But To Pour Them All Out,
      Just As They Are,

  Chaff And Grain Together,
Knowing That A Faithful Hand
  Will Take And Sift Them,

Keep What Is Worth Keeping,
        And Then,
With A Breath Of Kindness,
    Blow The Rest Away.


      And So It Is


          Amen


In E V E R Deepening Gratitude


      Y-our Own Self

It has been some time since I've posted.  After I got back from Europe I was asked if I knew anyone who was free to drive a van for a group on a ten day southwest pilgrimage.  I looked at my callendar and was shocked to find I was free.  This was a trip I had wanted to do for the past few years but always had too many committments.  The day before I had been sending out a little prayer, asking the angels if they could send a job my way.  Wow.  This was absolutely a job from the heavens~ I'll have to remember to ask for these kinds of things more often.
Things started off a little rocky as there were expectations for a bus, not two vans, and, soon afterwards we realized that while all the people might fit in the vans, there really was no room for the luggage.  Soooo.....calls were put out and another woman joined the group a few days into the trip as a driver, and a white cargo van was added to our convoy.

The first few days were in Santa Fe, New Mexico, with trips to nearby sacred sites and ruins.  Then on to Navaho land and Chaco Canyon, then Hopiland, then ending in Sedona with a day at the Grand Canyon.  I didn't make it to the Grand Canyon due to a profound healing at our ceremony on the medicine wheel at Airport Mesa in Sedona.   Years ago I would have marked it as a case of heatstroke, but these days it was the awareness of an initiation, and with it a grace beyond what I could have known to ask for. 
It is always a gift to meet new likeminded people and to travel with them in pilgrimage, which puts travelling at a whole other level.  The intention alone is enough to bring up what is ready to be healed.  Blame, resentment, irritation, loss, fear, grief, anger, sadness,,,,,all can surface in the inner realms as events unfold on the outer pilgrimage and one is put in places new and unfamiliar and on a schedule that can at times be demanding, leaving one's ordinary defenses down and off guard.
This group happened to be particularly creative and I daresay even a touch eccentric.  The group dynamics were pretty wild and there also seemed to exist a deep respect and love underneath it all~ a deep bonding and sense of family emerged rather quickly.  One of the participants had drawn one of the medicine cards that said they felt disrespected a lot of the time and they needed to assert themselves.  This was mentioned on the bus I was driving one afternoon as we were en route to our destination and someone remarked, "this is an equal opportunity van, we disrespect everyone equally".  And, in a sense it was true.  Calling it like it was, and the candor was quite refreshing, since, in the spiritual end of things sometimes we can jump into a false spirituality, a superficail kind, pretending enlightened attitudes while thoughts such as 'well I do know that I would never.but it's okay for them...'......it seemed a lot of energy was released in just saying it like it was, without judgment or blame, just, hey, look at that would you, you really are about that , huh.....we all seemed to learn a lot about ourselves with the openness and frankness, which is nice, since the other option is to take it personally and to stay stuck in the muck.
In coming home I felt like a new person and even had some anger surface here and there.  Some things that I had just let go on, or, been unaware of how much I really didn't feel good about certain things.  Well,,,,,a lot has been releasing, transforming, healing and integrating.  Oh, and did I mention I even saw a realator and am putting my place up for sale.  It sure would be nice to know exactly where my daughter and I might be going.  I say Mallorca, and it just may be for a bit, although she says if I do, she'll stay with her dad.  <<sigh>> 
Sometimes I think back as to how much eaiser it was to have an idea of how things would be.  To have some sort of exact idea of where things were going and how to get there.  Living in the Now , in Faith, Beyond Belief, can be such a pain in the keister, especially when people ask what your plans are and you really don't know beyond the step in front of you.  Makes you look kind of like an idiot, and feel kind of like an idiot, but, that brings to mind that one of the highest spiritual cards in the tarot is the Fool.  To the world you look like a fool, to the spiritually discerning and awake you are in Divine Flow living at a very high level.  It's good to remember as you shift into new levels of consciousness the rules change and what used to work before no longer works.  And, it's always good to remember that you never need to go on a physical pilgrimage, life is a pilgrimage, a pilgrimage of the heart.  Happy travels.